


go take this the wrong way

by cringeynsfwname



Series: love, there is beauty in the point of this blade & there is so much ugliness in the way i want to bleed out [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Sex, Exhibitionism, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mind Meld, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Orgy, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Sad Keith (Voltron), Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sex Toys, There are so many tags, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Keith (Voltron), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Sex, holy shit, i tried to write just porn but then it got sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 08:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17199941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cringeynsfwname/pseuds/cringeynsfwname
Summary: "... and teeth are the hardest substance in the human body. suddenly I am the boy defined by what he has lost…”•••After Kerberos Keith's life was filled with bars and bodies. The ever fleeting feeling of love that passed through him everytime he let someone new try him on constantly ignored. But what is to happen when a team exercise forces him to deal with the consequences?





	go take this the wrong way

**Author's Note:**

> summary quote is from donte collin's poem, teething
> 
> i tried to write JUST porn but then it got all depressing  
> dont trust the summary, there really is no figuring it out of having him cope through it

********

“...and look you're just a boy, grieving until he too is just a thing to grieve, until his pulse is as thin and damp as an obituary panting beneath sweaty hands. And what is an orgy? If not the opposite of a funeral? If not an attempt to press your pulse against as many strangers as possible to compare how alive you still are... ”

 

  * ••



 

After Kerberos Keith's life was filled with bars and other people's bodies. He actually knew many of them before the incident… well, to say he knew them would be an exaggeration. He'd seen some of them in the halls, maybe one or two used to teach him. It didn't matter who they were; that was the best part.

 

Nothing mattered when everyone wanted to move their hips, grind, and moan until they forget these bodies need to be taken with care. It didn't matter that he found himself attached and wanting all of them in more ways than one. And he'd gotten used to it; his schedule of searching and exhausting himself all day in the desert to drive out into town at night and find a new stranger to try on. It was predictable and it was working until he wasn't in the desert anymore.

 

  * ••



 

“...and suddenly your blood stiffens, retreats, rewinds, and no one died, and the casket is still just wood, un chopped, reassembled, and the tree resurrected, working. And grief is not yet a garden of thorns growing in your chest and grief is not yet a question you’ve answered with sex...”

 

  * ••



 

The team is sitting on the floor together. There are devices in their hands and they are being told that they have no control over what they share. To help them open up to each other the topic turns to love.

 

Shiro goes the first day and they watch him leave his family to go to the US for medical treatment and how he finds the garrison in the process. The team watches him learn to fly and they see Adam. They watch his first time with the man. The team sees Adam propose. They watch Keith comfort Shiro through the aftermath.

 

It continues that way, the team oversharing with no filter. Watching Lance flirt and call his mom on lonely nights. Experiencing Hunk cook with his moms. Pidge' s small family dinners and breaking rule's with Matt. Until 5 days later, keith is the only one left.

 

Coran has a lot of problems when trying to setup the headbands on Keith's day. They don't show anything at first as if Keith is resisting unlike the others.

 

"What's wrong Mullet ? Got no love to share?” Lance taunts him, not thinking before he opens his mouth.

 

And Keith, predictably, rises to the "challenge”.

 

Suddenly the head sets are overwhelmed with information: Keith's first crush and how it faded after he got to know the boy, his first kiss and how that relationship also went wrong just as fast, his first time and how it meant nothing after a few days, the bars, how he was drinking himself to death, they get to feel the overwhelming love and adoration for the people he watches dance and sing in those bars every night, and sex, so much sex.

 

And it doesn't take anyone long to realize that not one person saw the same events, though they all played out similarly enough:

 

  * ••



 

“...you desire now a way to die without losing your body, so why not use it? Why not let a stranger lick the grief from your palms? And this too is eulogy, and this too is prayer, and this too can wet the seed to conjure thornless crops, can sink back alive whatever parts of you died with her...”

 

  * ••



 

He's surrounded by faceless strangers and no one is calling out the correct names. They ignore scars and tears. People are constantly arriving and leaving, Keith stays all night. When he shows up he has already prepared both holes. He wants to take as many as possible, he wants to pretend he's in love, he wants to forget, and even a year later Keith is grieving.

 

A stranger or a few strip Keith down till he's left with a pair of boxers too tight for anything but teasing. So that's what happens, a man, or maybe it was a woman, licks his aching cunt through his remaining clothes. They grab Keith's thighs and press him against the wall. His load mewling and moans blend with the others. His underwear is soaked within a few minutes.

 

Whoever else is waiting for their turn to use his body kisses up his neck, they leave marks all over Keith's body. It doesn't matter, the only people who are going to see them will be leaving their own. 

 

Somewhere down the line the underwear is lost and someone is filling his ass. And he's on a couch, there is a woman in front of him and she is telling Keith how beautiful he is while he eats her pussy like it's his last meal.

 

He feels someone else move in front of him, an object is pressed against Keith's cunt and he moans against the woman on top of him when the vibrations start up. The man behind him cums in him with the added stimulation and the woman moves on. The vibrator causes one of the many orgasms he'll have that night.

 

Keith gets tied up at some point in the night and is a slave to his and others’ pleasure. He doesn't leave until he can barely make it back on his hover bike.

 

  * ••



 

“...his apartment door a pearly gate, a cliff overlooking a thrashing lake, and your blood begins and you lighthouse your tongue and you shipwreck an entire room to driftwood. oh, this festival of lament, this sloppy surgery, this homemade baptism. boy, you reek of grief, they smell your sadness, can taste the tears start streaming your cheek. you lonely riot, you laughing graveyard, you hungry and haunted boy. I know, I know, you want so badly to feel alive, you want so badly to be born again.”

 

  * ••



 

There are tears in Keith's eyes and his body shakes. All his love is drowned in grief, his love has been swallowed by sex, and he cant hold it in anymore.

 

"Why?” Shiro's voice soft and quiet.

 

I wanted to feel alive, I felt lonely, I was only trying to cope with something other than blood. Keith has so many answers and the only one he didn't want to say leaves his mouth.

 

"You were gone." 

 

Keith can taste his tears on his tongue and he watches as Pidge fidgets in her spot working up the courage to ask her poorly timed question.

 

“Wait, what's the real reason you got kicked from the garrison?”

 

Hunk goes to put his hand over her mouth too late and before Keith can stop it they are watching him under teacher's desks and the long nights spent in some assistant's bed.

 

The headsets are thrown on the floor and Coran silently comes over and collects them. Everyone is overwhelmed with the emotions Keith projected and no one knows what to say.

 

Keith stays on the floor while the team walks out and when Shiro turns to look at him he realizes they'll have to talk about it later.

**Author's Note:**

> the quotes within the fic are from donte collin's poem, grief puppet
> 
> i deleted tumblr from my phone so i dont know if my account is still up or not but my twitter is x0chipi11i


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